DJs Are Expert Mind Readers

[Piyush]

DJs ARE EXPERT MIND READERS



When requesting a song from the DJ, just say "play my song", or "it goes

something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our

heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron who

ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague,

we love the challenge.



If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.

DJs know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be

... it helps jog the memory.

If a DJ tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either

forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing

a few words for the DJ. Any words.

It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per

set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated

hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as

well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best

way to jog a DJs memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of

"Personal Friend Of The DJ."



DJs are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their

shows.They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do

once they arrive. A DJ's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so

don't let them off the hook easily.Your request is all that matters.

If a trance DJ had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next DJ that

follows will automatically know every trance tune the previous DJ ever

played, even if the current DJ is a house or jungle DJ. It's the law.

Feel free to yell Tupac or Biggie!! to a DJ that plays strictly house for

example.



IMPORTANT

When an DJ leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in

both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head

securely so they cannot pull away.This will be taken as an invitation to a

friendly & playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands.

Don't give up! Hang on until the DJ submits.

DJs are protected by their equipment, & only play the game

when tricked into coming out from behind their turntables. Though difficult

to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially

vulnerable during mixing songs.



TALKING WITH THE DJ

The best time to discuss anything with the DJ in any meaningful way is when

he is in the mix. Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny

voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us. DJs are expert

lip readers too. If a DJ does not reply to your question or comment

during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in

order to read your lips.

Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the

words with your lips. This helps immensely.Don't be fooled.

DJs have the innate ability to answer questions & mix at the same

time. If the DJ doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless

of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely

ignoring you.

If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.



HELPING THE DJ

If you inform the DJ that you are a DJ, the DJ will appreciate your

help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on

stage. Simply feel free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the

drunker you are, the better you sound.

Keep in mind that nothing assists the DJ more than

outrageous dancing, or a tambourine played out of tempo.

Try the congas, they love the challenge. The DJ always needs the help &

will take this as a compliment.



BONUS TIP

As a last resort, wait until the DJ takes a break and then get on stage

and start playing their records. They love this. Even if you are

ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have

successfully completed your audition. The club owner will call you

Immediately the following day to offer you a position.



See you at the next gig ...

The DJ